Title: You Found Me.
Just a really short ficlet that came to mind while I was browsing the sastiel tag. The first time I’ve written them so I’m a bit nervous. I love the two of them,though. :)
Summary: Sam’s thoughts on his relationship with Castiel.
Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Supernatural.
You weren’t sent here to save me.
But you have.
When I see the way you look at me, I know I am forgiven.
I know I have been given absolution.
It scares me sometimes.
The depth of feeling in your eyes.
I keep expecting it to change.
I keep expecting your eyes to turn cold, to lose that gentleness, the softness that warms me every time I see it.
I fear the loss of your grace, the loss of the light that surrounds me when you’re near.
I keep expecting to hear “you’re an abomination,” once again.
But I never hear that anymore.
I hear the gentleness in your voice when you say my name, feel the tenderness in your touch.
I thought you’d pull away when I kissed you, sure that I had stepped over some line and somehow defiled you.
You kissed me back instead.
How is it you always surprise me?
I used to feel like there was a stain on my soul and that I was twisted.
Then you held me and I felt my soul clear and my heart heal.
You healed me.
Now I look at you and want more.
I want to feel the heat of your body against mine.
Feel the touch of your lips trail down my chest.
And know what it feels like to have you inside me.
I want to know what it feels like to be inside you.
I want to hold you so close I could move right through you.
I can never be close enough to you.
There’s no way for you to know how much I need you, yet I think you do know.
I wonder if you need me, too.
Sometimes I think you do.
I watch the way you look at me and I can sometimes sense a need in you that has nothing to do with want or desire.
And it is amazing to me.
That you think of me that way.
I wonder if you know I love you.
Wonder if you’d want to know?
I wonder if there’s any way you could love me, too.
As if you read my mind you look at me.
I see the answer to both questions in your eyes.
And I’m thankful that even though you weren’t sent for me, you found me.
You found me.